Commutennies

[kuh-myoot-n-eez]
Commuter + Tennies
noun

1. Comfortable shoes, often sneakers, worn between home and work but which you wouldn't be caught dead in at the office. Also useful for running away in the event of a mutiny during the workday.

Ex. "I ran into Melinda as she was walking from the subway to the office and she was clearly embarrassed to be caught in her commutennies. They were caked in about 25 years of baby and dog fluids."


Today's portmanteau inspired by Lael G.! Submit your own!

Burkward

[berk-werd]
Burka + Awkward
adjective

1. uneasy or lacking comfort due to one's close proximity to a person wearing a burka.

Ex. "I always feel burkward when I see one. If it's really a Muslim lady under there that's cool but I'm terrified it's secretly some dude with a gun taking advantage of the burka's perfection as a disguise."

Whorecast

[hohr-kahst]

Whore + Forecast
verb

1. to predict a person's future sexual promiscuity.

See: Toddlers and Tiaras, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding or any other reality show on TLC excluding Sister Wives.

Hebris

[hee-bris]
Hebrew + Hubris
noun

1. an excessive amount of pride resulting from one's Jewish heritage or one's association with Judaism; sometimes begetting the subject's eventual demise.

Ex. "I don't care if Kendall's confirmation party is the same day as my bat mitzvah, who would miss out on my Swarovski-encrusted Star of David favors?!" Rachel's hebris overlooked the fact that Kendall's older sister was Kim Kardashian, a force infinitely more enticing to thirteen year old boys than sparkly Judaica.

Barnapkle

[bahr-nuhp-kuhl]
Barnacle + Napkin
noun

1. The small, square, crustacean-like napkin that constantly sticks to the bottom of your bar drink courtesy of condensation.

Ex. Eric was pulling out all the stops, really putting on the full court press and knew Jen was totally buying all the lines, jokes and negs he was throwing her way. It all came to a screeching halt when he lifted his Jack & Coke to his lips and found himself staring down a humiliating barnapkle. Game over.


Today's portmanteau courtesy of Nathan T.! Submit your own!

Snorus

[snohr-uhs]
Snore + Chorus
noun, verb

1. The act or action of two or more members (human or non-human) of a household snoring in perfect or complementary unison, usually to the incredible annoyance and sleeplessness of the third party.

Ex. "Simon and Max had such a ridiculous snorus going last night. I tried rolling them both over but they just proceeded to the next verse."

Puparazzi

[puh-puh-raht-see]
Pup + Paparazzi
noun

1. A social media "friend" who posts far more photos of their pet than one would desire or consider sane.

Ex. Omgggg Noodles' first nap!!!! how CUTE is she?!?! ObseSsSsSed!!!

Transvestigate

[trans-ves-ti-geyt]
Transvestite + Investigate
verb

1. to dress as the opposite sex for the purpose of acquiring additional information.

Ex. "Detective Mullaghmore, you truly went the extra mile by transvestigating in the Wall Street massage parlor case." Little did the Sergeant know, Mullaghmore was more than willing to participate since it meant he could finally don his new Louboutins in public.