Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Holidays + Dazed

1. Feeling a foggy stupor which descends around the latter part of the year.

Ex. "Ever since Thanksgiving, Maria has seemed really holidazed; She wanders aimlessly through the cubicles humming Christmas carols and mumbling under her breath about Amazon.com's rush shipping options."

Monday, November 28, 2011


Pen Pals + Enemies

1. Two or more people who write to one another (probably out of obligation) who do not like one another. The opposite of a pen pal.

Ex. "Dear Stanley,
I was thoroughly upset by your last correspondence which implied that you fancied a night alone with both my mother and sister but Mrs. Applebaum is forcing me to write you so that I may practice my cursive.
My, I'll be good at those capital D's by the end of this.
Rot in hell,

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Tryptophan + Fun
adjective, noun

1. A happy, drunk feeling which follows the ingestion of a large amount of turkey.

Ex. Every year, Grandma gets more and more tryptofun as Thanksgiving day wears on. By 8:00 she's lounging in her underwear while singing along with Glee reruns.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

PilGrim Reaper

[pil-grim ree-per]
Pilgrim + Grim Reaper

1. A European settler whose arrival in the New World meant almost certain death for the native population.

Ex. Let's all gather 'round this beautiful Thanksgiving feast to honor our forefathers, the PilGrim Reapers, who plundered this land and diseased its people so that we may have plenty of room for NASCAR tracks and fast food restaurants. Cheers!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Zealot + Relative

1. A person connected through blood or marriage who exhibits far too much enthusiasm about some insignificant phenomenon to be considered sane.

Ex. Every year, Graham dreaded his annual Thanksgiving encounter with Aunt Doreen. She was by far the most tiresome zealotive of the family, known to blather on for hours about her fervor for rubber stamping.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Frank + Thanksgiving

1. An overly honest and open exchange between relatives at the Thanksgiving table.

Ex. "I appreciate the concern, Aunt Jo, but I really just haven't found the right girl to bring Thanksgiving yet."
"Timmy, let's cut the crap. You're gayer than that pale pink Martha Stewart cakestand you brought with you today. You bringing a girl to Thanksgiving is gonna happen about as soon as your mother and I sleep in the same bedroom. Never."

Friday, November 18, 2011


Absinthe + Synthesizer

1. An electronic instrument that generates such kickass, trippy sounds that one feels as if they are experiencing an absinthe-induced hallucination.

Ex. DJ Ricky Ricardo was so proud to unveil his newest creation at Club Spooof that night and it certainly lived up to his expectations; the sounds pulsing from his lime green monstrosity, "the absynthesizer," made the girls go literally wild as they tried to scratch their way out through the pleather walls.

Today's portmanteau submitted by @tabsinthe! Submit your own!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Inappropriate + Promotion

1. An awkward or questionable advertising campaign.
2. An undeserved or strange advancement in one's occupational position.

Ex. I appreciated the Pepto Bismol reps dropping off the many, many bags of groceries at our food bank until I realized it might be a bit of an inappromotion to deliver food while simultaneously singing a tune about
nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Bizarre + Reality + Theme

1. A strange, oddly specific theme that seems to be appearing in all reality TV shows.

Ex. Somehow TLC had combined all the dominant bizarrealithemes of the moment with their new show called, "Crack Addicted Polygamist Cupcake Extraordinaires!...Oh Yeah, They're Little People, Too!"

Monday, November 14, 2011


Shit + Situation

1. A set of circumstances that has become more serious, dire or unpleasant because of the presence of fecal matter.

Ex. Tammy was less than pleasantly surprised when the minivan door slid back to reveal a real shituation - two 3-year olds sans diapers and covered in a sticky, brown substance.

2. A state of affairs which has completely fallen apart or become disastrous.

Ex. The arrival of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino at my little cousin's 13th birthday party really ruined the fun-loving mood and turned the dancefloor into a complete shituation.

3. A quandary involving a bathroom.

Ex. Abigail found herself in quite the difficult shituation when she realized she was on the exact same bowel moving schedule as her boss, Moira. Nearly everyday she had to awkwardly gaze at the same pair of shoes under the divider or if she was just a couple minutes late, there was a potent stench cloud to be endured throughout her own session.

Today's portmanteau submitted by Shak M.! Submit your own!

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Irony + Rooney

1. An action or saying by Andy Rooney which is now ironic after his death.

Ex. "Not sleeping is not my problem." - Andy Rooney

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Gastronomy + Astronaut

A person trained for spaceflight and unwilling to compromise their high food standards.
2. (100 years from now) A person who travels via space shuttle in the pursuit of finding fine food in the far corners of the universe.

Ex. Always the gastronaut, Neil had packed plenty of his favorites for this mission; "Jane, can you hand me a packet of freeze dried cranberry duck confit and a couple rations of miso-dusted, roasted fingerling potatoes? Please don't add the lemon tarragon dressing to the string bean salad though - there was a clog in the toilet earlier and I'm wary of all floating, yellow droplets now."

Today's portmanteau submitted by @ibtauris! Submit your own!

Monday, November 7, 2011


Check + Sexist

1. A restaurant server who
specifically offers the bill to the male member of a couple or group. In extreme cases they will return the credit card slip or change to the male member even after being given payment by the female.


1. Describing or pertaining to the above tip-forsaking ass.

Ex. A creepy chill went down Margo's spine when the chexist waiter handed the credit card (clearly printed with her name) back to her step-father and pounded his own chest in a gesture of "go hit that" solidarity. So wrong, in so many ways.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Meme + Memories

1. A cultural phenomenon that spread via YouTube, an email chain or some other internet outlet a long time ago.

Ex. "It was so nice to read through Maggie's babybook and remember that first time she was ever Rickrolled and how terrified she was the first time she watched the Numa Numa video. Ah, the wonderful meme-ories!"

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Black Furday

[blak fur-dey]
Black Friday + Fur

1. The day after Thanksgiving, for someone who is
braving the 4AM retail hoards while simultaneously celebrating the new trend of "No Shave November."

Ex. Even the 75% off sale at Victoria's Secret couldn't make up for the agony of having to witness Gretchen try on multiple, skimpy thongs on Black Furday.